2018: Relationships and Friendships

I wanted to talk about my relationship and friendships separately as I feel like 2018 really pushed me to reconsider the things I desire in a relationship whether romantic or platonic. And y’all… talk about an eye-opening year. 😳

Before I go on, if y’all are expecting to find some tea about the mess Roy and I or anybody else fought over this year, you played yourself πŸ˜‚

Two years later I am still so grateful for and excited about my relationship with the man. This year put us through so many emotional tests and despite the one or two times I wanted to smack him upside the head, he’s consistently been by my side through it all. Roy is my best friend and he’s committed to my happiness and wellbeing and vice versa. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him and I know I wouldn’t be the person I am today without him.

We’re not perfect. Our relationship is still fairly new and we’re learning more and more about each other every day. This year was our first full year living together which was huge after having spent so much time by myself. There are way more pros than cons to this cohabitation thing. Who doesn’t want nightly cuddles and to save on rent? πŸ˜‚

I guess I can say for the most part our desire to remain together is still very strong. Like I said we’re still brand new so if we make it for another 3 years and I can say otherwise, I will. But for now… that’s my baby for life. ❀️

As for friendships… wow. It’s been a very lonely 2018 for me and I’ll be honest, I broke down a few times when I sat and thought about the fact that I only have like three friends in San Antonio that I barely see… And 90% of the time I don’t spend with Roy, I spend alone. πŸ˜• To the point where I found myself saying, “I don’t have friends” whenever the topic of friendship came up. That’s of course false but it really felt like that sometimes.

I let my friendships just flow this year but with boundaries and matching energy. Where some drifted apart and numbed out, others thrived in ways I didn’t expect… I’m especially grateful for two friends, Sami and Somy, who I’ve never met before and who both coincidentally live in New York where my heart is, thanks to my siblings. They had my back in ways you’d expect people who have known me for years to have… And I only just started sharing deeply personal parts of my life with them this year. Y’all know how grateful I am for you. Thank you mamas.

I have two other honorable mentions to share where friendships are concerned…

The first is for Des. Y’ALL. Just know she came through for me in a BIG WAY this year and I still owe her lunch lol. But she really showed me how much she cared about me at my lowest point this year and there was no hesitation. She’s done this before so I wasn’t surprised, only reassured that I have a few good ones in my circle.

The second mention would be Stacey so I don’t have to hear anything about it. πŸ™„ Despite her being mainly a source of nonsense talk, I can say she’s the most consistent texting buddy I’ve had all year. Even on the days I was going through it and didn’t want to speak to anyone. I’m just hoping she leaves this stupid Pikachu meme in 2018.

Anywho,

I think I’ve always struggled with maintaining friendships for a few reasons… one would be because my love for people goes beyond surface level when I choose to keep them close… I love hard and the things that seem insignificant to others can deeply hurt me. I really try my best to be considerate of everyone I call a friend, even though the majority of my friends live outside of Texas so I haven’t seen them in years. But I think with age I’m getting tired of waiting on people to extend the same courtesies I’d give to them in a heartbeat…

Then there’s my no bullshit stance when it comes to literally anyone… If you know anything about me, you’d know I argue hard and don’t really let folks try to play me anymore. For example, Des and I argue all the damn time πŸ™„ she gets on my nerves lol but at the end of the day it’s really all love, whether we choose to agree or not. I wasn’t always like this. Actually I was a big ass push over for most of my childhood and teenage years and as I got older I started realizing how many people took advantage of that fact.

Not anymore. As a woman, I now fully speak my mind. And I feel like to understand me is to understand that when I care enough about you I’ll speak my opinion, no matter how hard it may be to hear. I’m never sugar-coating anything but I’m always seeking your best interest. Is it that hard to ask for the same? Why does no one check me? Lol. I make my fair share of mistakes but do y’all just not care? Why does everyone just agree with me? πŸ˜†

And look… I’m not some perfect friend either. I disappear all the time when I have a lot on my plate. I have short and long term memory loss so I forget about things people tell me all the time. And due to me becoming a homebody these last 2 years, I definitely make excuses to stay at home instead of reaching out to see if someone nearby wants to do something fun. But I don’t think I’m a bad friend. And my heart is big… I know there’s room for some besties. Especially since I’m clearing out the roster one by one… πŸ˜…

For 2019, I truly want to make some new friends in San Antonio or at least the state of Texas, so there’s a possibility of us hanging out in person at least once. I actually tweeted about it the other night because I think I deserve to have great people in my corner. Even if it’s just one or two of them… I’ll take them. 🀞🏾 I’m nice I promise! πŸ˜‚

But if new friendships are not in the stars for me for 2019, I’ll hold onto the handful of friends I do have… and my sisters aren’t going anywhere any time soon!

4 comments

  1. Waw, I can totally relate to most of what you touched on. For your question on why you don’t get checked, is it that you aren’t open to being checked? Do you always disagree when someone may point something out etc? I am normally one who won’t point out things to a particular friend just because I can’t be bothered by the reaction of her not being able to see herself through someone else’s eyes. Just wondering…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hey! Thank you for reading. I’m glad my words resonated with you. As for your question, not at all. Anyone who knows me knows I love great feedback. I ask direct questions all the time seeking advice. The responses I get are very nonchalant… Like, “wow that’s interesting” or “damn, that sucks” but often not much more. I did exaggerate because I do have one friend who I have lengthy conversations with on a weekly basis and they give great advice. As for the others… Nada.

      Liked by 1 person

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